Will you MALLET me, Please?
by Green Raccoon
Summary: A fairly regular day in the Warner household turns a bit odd when Wakko goes up to his older brother with a really odd request in mind.


_**A light-hearted one-shot before I get back to my regular stuff. Hope you all enjoy it. Leave a comment if you'd like.**_

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"_A Good day to die hard?_ How dare they throw a title like that at me." Yakko sat on the couch as he read the newspaper, persistently grimacing at the Hollywood headlines of possible movie titles for the future. Thank goodness we live in a world where a title like that can never be green lit.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to the tower slammed open, effectively cracking it slightly against the wall and just as immediately ramming it back into the face of the one who opened it. Yakko looked up from his paper and sighed.

"Well, I do believe Mr. Packs-Away-the-Snacks is back. Time to stop pretending I care about the news." Yakko folded up the paper and was about to jump off the couch to greet his brother but the instant he made a move to, his nose almost got a face full of mallet! He jolted and sat back in surprise.

Wakko was standing in front of him with a cutesy grin on his face, holding a brown wooden mallet out as if a prompt for Yakko's acceptance.

The older brother looked Wakko's features up and down. He looked normal. There was no bump on his head or a dent in his skull. So… maybe there was something to this odd display. That grin on his face might as well come packaged with a halo over his head as well. He looked like he was super excited to be handing this to him. But for what?

"Erm… what is this?" Yakko asked with concern, pointing at the relatively dangerous object in his hand.

"It's a mallet!" Wakko's reply came with enthusiasm etched in his voice. Yakko had to keep from rolling his eyes.

"Okay, yeah, I know but… WHY are you handing it to me?" Yakko felt stupid asking this. It wasn't a dumb question by any means but… it's kind of something Wakko should have thought to clarify this for him!

The next scene was all but a shock to Yakko's core. Well, not initially since the clarification angle still didn't come next. Instead, Wakko, still with that bright and innocent smile, bent over and showed him his capped head. He even pointed at it for emphasis.

What was Yakko supposed to be looking at? His head? "Yeah. It looks the same as ever. That's definitely your head Wakko."

"I want you to MALLET me!" Wakko blurted out.

"WHAT?!" There came that shock. Yakko actually jolted back as if he had been electrocuted by those words.

"Will you MALLET me... ...Please?" Wakko's smile started to show even more of his teeth.

Yakko blinked several times. He looked around the room and then back at Wakko.

"I'm not sure… _what's_ going on but… is there something you want to tell me?" Yakko made sure to lower his voice to that of a decent whisper.

"Nope." Wakko shook his head, with his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth in slight giddiness.

"You sure? There's no weird fetishes you're getting into now?" Yakko pressed which made Wakko blush and hold his free hand up in protest.

"Whoa! Come on now! That's ridiculous!" The middle child sounded absolutely flabbergasted.

Yakko sighed. Maybe that was a bit too assuming a thing to say. After all, what was odd about coming up to his older brother and asking for him to whack him over the head with a blunt object… ?

_... wait..._

"And what you're asking me to do ISN'T ridiculous?" Yakko tapped his foot.

"Not really. We do it all the time." Wakko pushed the mallet into Yakko, hoping he'd accept it. Yakko did not. He pushed it back but Wakko kept on pushing forward despite the resistance.

"We do it to other people. Really mean other people. Those jerks who deserve it. Did you just forget about our old shtick?" Yakko began to pace around his brother, hoping to get Wakko caught off guard somehow. He needed this mallet to get from in-between the two of them. Whatever this was, it was making Yakko feel uncomfortable and that didn't happen all too often around his sibs.

"Course I didn't forget." Wakko spoke up, noticing Yakko's movements and expertly following along. Yakko was gathering rather quickly that Wakko wasn't at all going to back down. His brother was a formidable opponent when it came to stuff like this.

"Then doesn't this not make any sense? Do you see yourself as a bad person now?" Yakko asked.

"Maybe someone else does." Wakko retorted as best he could.

"Who cares what other people think?"

"I do."

That sounded like a total croak. "Since when?" Yakko tried to push it to the side this time. Wakko clamped his hands around the handle and made sure it stayed in his hands.

"Since today." Wakko managed to speak back, despite his extra struggling.

"What happened today?" It was a question that needed to be asked. This was all rather sudden. And weird.

"Nothing happened… I just… wanted to see how hard you could do it! You wouldn't hold back on me because you're my brother right?"

"Uhh… well… considering I don't want to do it-"

"Oh come on! Quit being a baby." Wakko teased, a bit frustrated. He shoved it closer to Yakko a little harder now.

"I don't know what your deal is Wakko but I'm not hurting you with this." Yakko pushed back, a little rougher as well.

"Just do it!"

"Tell me why you want me to do it!"

"If I do, will you do it?"

"No!"

"Than why do you need to know?!"

"Because I'm your older brother! I'm not stupid! There's something bothering you now spill it!" Yakko finally managed to push Wakko back onto the couch. The mallet was in his hands like Wakko wanted but of course, he wasn't going to hit Wakko with it. He had no reason to and Wakko wouldn't give him one. In hindsight, Wakko probably should've realized that it all came down to that regardless of whose hands it ended up in...

Still, the middle child actually started to pout. Yakko was astonished. "Do you really wanna see stars that much? Wait until nightfall hits. It's even more rewarding. There no pain shall come to you oh brother dearest." He said, grinning a bit with the mallet twirling in his hand.

Wakko just looked to the side. His face contorted a bit from annoyed to noticeably saddened.

"Hey, hey, hey. Where's the long face coming from? You accidently catch Plotz on the toilet again? I know stuff like that can be hard to deal with but-"

"Come on! Quit yapping and hit me!" Wakko jumped up. He was making it a demand now, which Yakko just had to grimace it. "I bet Dot would do it."

"You bet I would." The younger sister in question appeared suddenly and literally out of nowhere with her head in her palm over the back side of the couch, effectively scaring the heck out of Wakko and making him fall back onto it.

She looked convincingly eager.

Yakko couldn't help the resulting smile. "Oh. You shouldn't have said that little bro."

"Indeed." Dot grabbed the mallet from Yakko's hands and raised it over Wakko's head. The Warner's sweaty features were indicating second thoughts. When Dot swung the mallet downward, Wakko let out a shout of protest!

"Okay! OKAY! STOP!"

Dot stopped right before it reached his head. She had a knowing smile on her face too. How telling.

"So? You ready to explain yourself now?" She asked, throwing the mallet back to Yakko who caught with ease.

Wakko grumbled in embarrassment. He was blushing again. It was obvious he had just been played. With his eyes downcast to the side he forced himself to try and remain calm and keep from blubbering out the truth. It was hard.

"Impending doom from the wrath of the Warner sister still gotcha scared stiff?" Yakko asked, with genuine concern. Dot shot him a small glare that he didn't catch.

"… I didn't mean to... It was an accident." Wakko ignored his brother's jokes and actually wiped a tear from his eye. Yakko and Dot looked Wakko over, as if accessing the situation. Yakko managed to do so first and let a soft smile wash over his face. He then plopped onto the couch next to his little bro, wrapping an arm around him.

"Start at the beginning alright?" Yakko spoke calmly. Wakko let out a shaky sigh. There really wasn't much to tell.

"… This old guy was annoying me with all his blabber about proper etiquette. He wasn't really doing anything we usually go after our special friends for. It wasn't even close to being like that nanny we had before but it was still really annoying and I was already in a bit of a bad mood and I-"

"WHAMO! Right?" Yakko had guessed it had to be something like that. Striking someone who hadn't done anything they'd consider outright wrong or intentionally hostile was something all three of them had never wanted to do.

"Yeah… yeah, that happened… and than I had to see his grandson come in and scrape his flat, disk-like body up and hurry him to his car. The kid was crying too and people were looking at me all disgusted." Wakko looked over the mallet still in Yakko's hands.

Yakko noticed and eyed the weapon too before looking back at his brother. "And you wanted me to hit you with this because you felt guilty about it right."

Wakko's next resulting frustrated sigh was the shakiest one yet. Dot had to chuckle at that. It was kind of cute.

"Stuff like that happens you know. We're not perfect." Yakko assured his brother. Whenever irritation or developing anger got in the way they usually just tried to avoid or search for something to make them feel happy again. Wakko was the one who had the least control over that though. He never means to be an outright bully. He just has a wilder impulse and it's actually gotten a bit worse as of late. Plus, everyone around has cartoon physics so it's not all too bad in retrospect.

"Well yeah… I know that. I just wish I could control myself like you can you know." Wakko spoke back. He still sounded so disappointed in himself. The guy wasn't even being all that annoying or intrusive really. Looking back, his attitude probably escalated it more than necessary.

"Control is overrated." Dot interjected.

"What she means to say is that you are who you are." Yakko smirked.

"No it wasn't." She made a play of saying back.

"Yes it was. We're doing an afterschool special right now." Yakko turned back to her. Wakko laughed at that; which surprised him.

"I'm sorry guys. I just feel really bad about it. Stuff like that usually doesn't get to me but lately I've been feeling really weird." Wakko grumbled.

"Our show _did_ just finish. Maybe you're just irritable about that. Things are sure to get better. Promise!" Yakko grinned his brightest and all but smacked Wakko's back.

Wakko still smiled but had to rebuttal again. "Well… yeah but I still feel like-"

"If you wanna make it up to them do it tomorrow. Offer to… I don't know, clean out that little candy bowl full of the yellow coffee drops that nobody likes to eat and sits on the table for when his grand-kids come over to stay with him. Something." Yakko mused.

"… Yeah okay. I'll do it tomorrow. Still, this feels so weird. I've never really gone that far for virtually no real reason before. I don't want to be a bully." Wakko mulled it over again.

"Bah! Don't worry. We only fight back when we have to but mistakes do happen. Laugh with me!" Yakko grinned and twirled the mallet around like a baton. Wakko just couldn't stay sullen like this. Yakko was too good at keeping the mood fresh and full of sunshine.

"About what? You need to tell a joke first and make an over the top gesture or do a circus act or something!" Wakko grinned, hopping off the couch to stand next to his brother. Yeah. That's what it's all about!

Happy to see the weight on Wakko's shoulders had been decimated he full well knew that it was time to keep the fun going like never before. Yakko closed his eyes, smiled with a shine in his teeth, cleared his throat and swung his hands back forcefully before raising them up to the ceiling. "And now, ladies and gentlemen! My diving and swimming into the floor routine!"

That sounded spectacular!

Dot cleared her own throat too though, interrupting the hype he managed to shortly build up. This one was to get Yakko's attention.

"You might wanna hold off on that ring leader." She said pointed at Yakko's side. Yakko opened his eyes, blinked at her in confusion, than turned to his side to see what she was now pointing at.

Wakko was wobbling all about with his eyes crossed and stars circling his head; drooling rather perfusely too. Yakko blinked once again and looked at the position of his arms. The one that held the mallet, he had flung back while Wakko was still beside him.

He hit him with the mallet!

"GAH! Wakko! I'm sorry!" Yakko tossed the mallet up and grabbed at his dizzy younger bro. A dopey smile crossed Wakko's face as he swayed in his brother's arms.

"Whooo… dat wasn't too bad… maybe I over-reacted-ed-a-bit…" Wakko mused and promptly slumped down.

"Ah darnit. Maybe I should have-" Yakko was only able to contemplate a smarter action for a few seconds before a slurred out cry escaped Wakko's lips right before drifting into unconsciousness.

"Luke up from beloooowww…!"

He even pointed in the direction Yakko needed to look. Thanks to that the Warner looked up at just the right time for the mallet to strike his own head! Yakko's eyes rolled and his tongue shot out like the drawer to a cash register.

"… Guuuhh… birds… I hate it when it's birds…" Yakko stumbled back a bit and rocked forward slightly before crashing on top of his brother.

Dot looked down at her two sleeping brothers and examined the lumps on their heads and the various things orbiting them.

She let out a sigh. And than she shrugged.

"Oh well. It's a cartoon. They'll be up in about an hour. T.V time."

With that she scampered off. A shame though. She really wanted to see Yakko's floor diving trick.

Patience truly is a virtue though.


End file.
